Tennis Chick

At the request of several followers after reading about Savannah Girl I'm chalking up another story for the Dating Disaster files!

This time we'll call her Tennis Chick.

To be honest, I've put off writing this blog for some time. The date actually occurred more than a month ago. Needless to say there was no second date, but I always worry about offending people should they happen to be "blog-stalking" me. I'm pretty sure Tennis Chick isn't blog stalking me nor being concerned with what's currently happening in my life so if you want a change up or a little non-surfing and non-running entertainment read on!


Watching the U.S. Open Championship Match between Roger Federer and Juan Martin del Potro inspired me to finally write this post. Honestly, before watching Del Potro upset Federer I had never seen him play. I knew Federer, but did not recognize the 20-year-old from Argintina. I could see he was tall and started to to wonder because it seemed about the same size as myself. Turns out he is my size; 6'6" and only about 10 pounds heavy at around 180 pounds. I literally jumped up and down to cheer on my fellow tall person as he won the match point. Yay for tall people!

Ok, now on to dating disaster with Tennis Chick!

The Background

To protect the innocent we'll not get into how I met Tennis Chick, but we'll just say it was a blind date of sorts (I know, I know, I should know better by now!) with our only communication before the date being through email and text messages (of course a few photos were exchanged). Tennis Chick seemed like a winner on paper. Her emails and text messages appeared to have some witty humor. She works in the advertising/marketing field (hmmm creative = interesting) and has a college education (independent?). Her photos are attractive. I really don't require much. Some might say I'm picky and that's the reason I'm single, but I'd like to think I'm smart. All I look for initially is someone with a great sense of humor, healthy conscience and there's got to be some sort of attraction. That's it... super simple. Tennis Chick passes the initial test.

The Date

After several weeks of email and text message flirting I finally pinned her down on a meet up. I say pinned her down because she said multiple times she would like to do activities such as surfing or going to the beach, but would never commit. So the "pin down" occurred when she mentioned her weekend plans that involved playing tennis with a friend on Friday night. Apparently she is an avid tennis player. It's Monday and the conversation quickly turns to everything tennis. For the record I'm not a tennis player. I took lessons when I was a child and that's it. When I play I usually need help keeping score. However, I am athletically coordinated better than average and can manage a non-competitive match for exercise and fun. The date is set for the next night, Tuesday, and we decided to meet at a public park in the next city north of me for a friendly match after finishing work for the day.

On Tuesday I confirm with her our date plans. Since I'm not sure which public park she wants to play at she tells me I can meet her at Target. I admitted to her that since I don't play Tennis very often all of my tennis balls have gone to my dog, literally, so I offered to buy more if needed while at the Target. That goes over well, but just as I'm getting off work she text me saying she has left work early and is already at Target because she needs to buy a tennis racket.

Can I just say ??????????

May I ask why you are buying a tennis racket if you're such an avid tennis player? Apparently, she needs a new one. She also buys new tennis balls and asks if I have GPS in my truck. After telling her yes she text me the address of the park. I diligently follow my GPS (aka the "bitch" because I gave her a British accent to make her sound more snooty when she talks) directions. It takes me into a residential neighborhood with no tennis courts in sight. I arrive at a house matching the address and there is a woman standing outside near a parked car. She waves.

"Ahhhh sh*t!"

I know this might sound shallow, but that's the first thing I thought as I realized it was Tennis Chick in real life. It is now obvious that Tennis Chick on paper is a few years younger. Tennis Chick in real life is out of shape and in the nicest way possible for me to say this... gained a few pounds. I have an open mind and I have nothing against people that are overweight, but I'm also 100-percent sure at this point in my life that I cannot have a relationship with someone that is overweight and not healthy and active like myself. Friends... sure. Relationship... NO BUENO!

I wave back as I ease to a stop at the end of the driveway and lower my window. Forcing a smile I ask, "I thought I was going to a tennis court?"
"You are. It's around the block. I didn't know the address. This is a friend's house. Just follow me around the block," she yells while climbing into her car and starting the engine.

At this point I'm having a shallow moment. I've already made up my mind that I have no interest in her based only on the few facts I have gathered and first impression. I feel as I'm making assumptions or judgments without due diligence. I hate feeling this way, but I cannot help it. There must be something instinctual about it. She leads me around the block to a park I recognize. I played men's league softball a few years ago here. If she had told me the park's name I would have remembered. We park, get out of the cars and I go to give her a friendly hug, but before I can get that far she points at her car and says, "look at all that shit in my car! Wait, if it's mine it's crap, if it's someone else shit then it's shit. Look at all that crap in my car!"

HOW EXACTLY DO YOU RESPOND TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS????

That is my question because I sure didn't know. I just nodded in silent agreement almost tongue tied. This is first impression time and this is what she gives me to work with???

In the drive between the mystery house and the park I made up my mind that since I've driven all the way up here I might as well play some tennis and perhaps use this as a "practice" date. I've already decided that Tennis Chick doesn't have a chance in hell with me, but seriously, that was her opening line? Look at all this shit in my car???

I ask her how her day went at work (an easy conversation starter). She gives me a long story about a crazy client that her company is getting a restraining order against and she starts every sentence with the word, "like." Like, a pure sign of intelligence! She also drops an F-bomb in every other sentence. Now I don't have the cleanest mouth. I'll admit that, but when you're making a first impression it is not the time to talk like a sailor and especially if your conversation partner isn't using any slang or curse words back at you in the conversation. Just sayin!

We walk over to the tennis court. She opens the can of new tennis balls and takes up her side of the court. Her first few attempts at serving end up in the net. The next few go out of bounds, way out of bounds. More F-bombs are released and we're not even keeping score! Tennis Chick finally dials it in and serves up something I can hit back. After five minutes she needs a break and sits down on the bench. I'm concerned for her health. She says she needs water. Being thoughtful, I packed a cooler with a couple of Gatorade G2s. She refuses my first offer, but when I get one out for myself reconsiders and tells me red is her favorite Gatorade color.

Tennis Chick and I knock the balls around the court for the next 20-30 minutes in what could vaguely resemble a tennis match. No score is kept and no real serve attempts are made. Boundary lines are ignored and I find myself hitting the ball directly back to her rather than aiming for a part of the court that gives me an advantage. It's easier this way and I have to chase down less wildly hit tennis balls. During this attempt to play tennis I go into detective mode by asking a few questions. Nothing crazy. The normal stuff like where did you grow up, go to school, have brothers or sisters, etc. etc. What I get in return is craziness.

In a nutshell she first informs me that she is on anti-anxiety drugs and needs to go to the drug store to refill her prescription because she has a dentist appointment tomorrow only for a teeth cleaning and will get an anxiety attack if she doesn't pop a pill before! I understand a fear of dentists, but what about anxiety from a first date? What is she on right now? Secondly, she tells me her mother is bi-polar and insane. She tells me about her wack relationship with the mother and how she's only spoken to her a few times this year. And third, as if icing on the cake, she throws out her daddy issues and how she's only met her real and only father twice in her life.

A+ goes to Tennis Chick for being brutally honest about her f*cked up family!!!

Hint to single girls everywhere:
1.) When going into a first date situation with a guy tread lightly when we ask about your parents, especially your mom! This is a loaded question. If you're mom is awesome tell us proudly. If not, don't lie about it, but ease us into the situation. We will judge you against your mom and sometimes your dad. It's NOT true that every girl turns into her mother, but there's always the chance that it will happen and you can bet when we first meet you we're definitely considering it!
2.) Easy on the drugs! If you are on prescription drugs for some kind of condition then that's great because it means you recognized a problem and have sought out help... unless you're abusing or addicted. But this is another thing you might want to ease us into. Asking about prescription drugs is NOT even first date subject material and if a guy asks about this he should be given a big FAIL as well!
3.) If you have daddy issues keep that to yourself. Nothing says, "I'm a messed up psycho chick," like letting us know you were abused by your father or your father abused your mother, etc. etc. Again, maybe keep this information until a later date... just sayin!

We're 30-minutes into what I guess could be considered warming up for tennis at best. I'm not sweating. I'm not laughing either. She's huffing and puffing and drenched. I'm concerned she might hurt herself. We take a break and she finishes off the G2 and says under her breath, "there's a really good ice cream place right around the block."

"You want ice cream," I ask slightly amused? "Let's go get some ice cream!"

At this point I'm curious just to see how much ice cream she will eat. I know... I'm evil.

It's dinner time. The best part about being an adult is you can eat whatever you want whenever you want, but personally I like to eat healthy and substantial food at dinner time. Only a few minutes later we are in line ordering ice cream. She gets the triple size soft serve with gummy bears on top. Excellent choice! I go for the small cup size vanilla (real ice cream) with Reese's on top. I'm a sucker for peanut butter! I pay for the both of us. My treat.

As we sit down and eat our ice cream at dinner time I get the conversation going again by asking about her dog. We both have dogs and dog people usually love to talk about their dogs. She starts by telling me how she has her dog on anti-depressant drugs -- human anti-depressant drugs -- Prozac to be precise. ALL-RIGHTY-then! I understand that perhaps maybe dogs really are prescribed toned down doses of anti-depressant drugs, but in light of all the other "interesting" conversation we've had tonight I've reached my limit. She tells me her dog has been locked up all day in the house and I tell her she should go home and let him out, take him for a walk, make him happy! Excellent escape strategy!

Cue the curtains!

We politely say goodbye, see ya later, whatever, but I'm sure she gets the point. Another dating disaster for the blog! FAIL on dating.... again!

Disclaimer: I would never write about any person like this and give away their identity, nor would I write about them unless I was mostly sure they would never see it even with their identity protected. These kind of stories are only about first dates, strangers I'll never see again and definitely NOT anyone I plan to see again. I'm also hoping that very soon I'll be able to write a dating story that ends in a SUCCESS! I know of a certain candidate ;-) but only time will tell.

Sometimes a FAIL is really a SUCESS

I try not to write much about my dating life, or should I say sometimes nonexistent dating life, but this story is too good to pass up. The best way to tell the story is to explain the plan and then explain how it actually unfolded. The plan was something like this:

Take Friday off from work. Savannah girl* drives down and arrives around noon. She brings her two dogs so we decide a great way to introduce her dogs to my dog (Tucker) is taking them to the dog beach. After a successful play date at the dog beach we head back to my place, wash off the dogs and trade them out for a few longboards and hit the inlet for a fun surfing session (yes, Savannah girl surfs). Then we get cleaned up just in time to head out on the town for a nice dinner and then drinks at a local music venue. Saturday is left open for a variety of activties, but the real plan is to just keep it simple. Savannah girl heads back on Sunday.

Sounds easy enough, right???

Well, here's how it really unfolds.

Thursday evening a text message comes in from Savannah girl. It reads something like this:
"I just realized I have to doggy sit for a friend Saturday night so how 'bout I come down tonight, we have all day Friday and I head back Saturday afternoon? What do you think?"

I'm in the middle of a gold party, but since she is 3-hours away I'll be finished well before she arrives. "That's fine with me. This just means I get to see you sooner :-)" I reply.

Around 11 p.m. I call Savannah girl to see how her drive is going. She's tired and rightfully so as she's been up for about 18 hours at this point. She is a nurse and worked a 12-hour shift prior to heading out for her leap of faith dating adventure with me. One of dogs is carsick and throws up. Her car smells. I talk to her on the phone until she arrives around 1 a.m. Friday morning. We are both so "out-of-our-minds" tired at this point we introduce the dogs and go to sleep. The dogs sniff each others asses and try to hump each other briefly and seem to get along just fine.

Improvsed date weekend begins!

Saturday morning Savannah girl sleeps in for a while, but eventually wakes up. We cook a "Swedish pancake," which is basically a super unhealthy egg dish that hits your stomach like a rock, but it's definitely yummy! Savannah girl, who is really from Vermont, balks because I do NOT have any REAL maple syrup in my house. Hey, she's lucky I even have Aunt Jamima! I hardly ever eat anything that you put syrup on in the first place. So we leave the house in our pajamas to drive around the block to the farmers market. It's almost noon. Apparently since Florida is not anywhere near the land of REAL maple syrup the farmer's market only carries fresh honey. So we head to the nearest grocery store in our pajamas and find REAL maple syrup and I'll have to admit it does taste a hell of a lot better than Aunt Jamima!

Breakfast with Savannah girl = SUCCESS!

Time for the dog beach. Bruski, Papi and Tucker are loaded into the Jeep Wrangler and Savannah girl and I are off. First problem - it's high tide and the dog beach is underwater and crowded with too many people and dogs. Adding some local knowledge I suggest we walk down a few hundred yards further and it's less crowded and not underwater. Second problem - after 5 minutes of fun I notice a thunderstorm appearing out of no where and heading right for us! I tell Savannah girl that it's going to hit us in 5 minutes and it's a 10 minute walk back to the Jeep. We waterproof our cell phones and head back only to get absolutely soaked 5 minutes later. Savannah girl is laughing and we're carrying on about how brilliantly our date is going and basically being fools. The dogs are all giving us the WTF look. The best part you may ask? The Jeep has no top so we are forced to drive home in the rain.

Play Date at the Dog Beach = FAIL
Causulties = 1 lost tennis ball

As soon as we get back to my place the sun magically appears and the skies turn blue again. We trade the dogs out for surfboards and head to the NSB Inlet to catch some waves. Earlier in the day just before breakfast Savannah girl took two perscription allergy medicines along with a muscle relaxer. She had never done this before and obviously had NOT thought it through. The doctor told her to take the allergy medicines (one for indoor and one for outdoor allergies) at night before bed in case they make her drosey. She was in an accident several months ago and hurt her back, hence the reason for the muscle relaxers, which she thought would be helpful since we are planning to surf. She missed taking the allergy meds the night before since she didn't dare take them before driving down on such little sleep so why not just take them all at once? When she did this I thought, "man if that was me I'd be out like a hypernating bear," but everyone is different so who knows? Looking back at the experience and laughing about it, I love it because it's just the kind of mistake I usually make myself or have made in the past; something so crazy and innocent, but unlucky at the same time. Five minutes after we leave the house for the beach we are caught at the drawbridge. Savannah girls says, "Whoaaaa... man, I'm soooo tired all of a sudden." It's like the drugs are hitting her all at once. She's in a daze. We get to the inlet and I start to pull the surfboards off the rack. Savannah girls says, "I just need to lay down for a second." We lay down on beach towels and she's asleep within five minutes! I consider the situation. It's become quite overcast (she's not going to sunburn). We're in a safe area (she's not going to get run over by a car). Screw this I'm going surfing! I paddle out and surf for about 30 minutes before another, YES, another thunderstorm appears out of no where. The beach patrol clears the water. Savannah girl wakes up and just can't believe she has been out for about 40 minutes. She asks what the plan for tonight is and I offer to take her out some place nice or cook dinner at home. She jumps on the cooking dinner at home idea. She loves to cook at home and I'm completely stoked because I love to cook too! Then we get absolutely hammered by another thunderstorm. We duck into a grocery store to 1.) escape said thunderstorm and 2.) buy supplies for our planned dinner cooking date. The grocery store is absolutely freezing because we are both soaked like sailors in a hurricane.

Surfing date at the inlet = FAIL
Causualties = 1 drenched and short circuited garage door opener

Dinner goes well. It's chicken brocolli afredo and Savannah girl shows me how to make afredo from scratch, something I've never done. I make white sangria. We gorge ourselves and each drink a couple glasses of wine and then have some white sangria. After dinner we sit down on the couch and Savannah girl is again so tired it's almost as if she has been shot by a tranqulizer gun. I feel like an idiot for not realizing that the wine would intensify the allergy meds. She says she could take another nap. Thinking that another nap could help her get all those drugs out of her system and she might be better able to go out on the town, I think it's a good idea. She naps, I clean up the kitchen, the garage, feed my dog (I have to seperate him from the other dogs or he will not eat) and take a shower.

Cooking Dinner Date at Home = Partial FAIL (the food and time we spent making it was awesome)
Causulties = most of the white sangria went to waste.

An hour later she's up and we're chatting away on the couch, but she's really upset with the way she feels and the fact she can not do anything about it. It's obvious that going out to see a band play and drinking more alcohol is completely out of the question. I suggest we hang out and watch a movie. She makes it about 5 minutes into the movie and falls asleep again. I fall asleep about 20 minutes later and the night ends.

Night out on the town/improvised movie date = FAIL

Saturday morning arrives and we're both in great spirits! Savannah girl is back to her normal self, the dogs are hyper and stoked to be alive and we decide on taking them to the Spruce Creek Park (a forest with miles of jogging, horseback riding, hiking and mountain biking trails). We hike with the dogs for about an hour and enjoy the wilderness and make nice conversation. The dogs are worn out so we take them home.

Doggy date trail hiking = SUCCESS

Since we're both hot from the hike we try the surfing thing one more time, but this time I decide to use the pickup truck and not the exposed Jeep! It only took two thunderstroms to each me this lesson! The inlet is flat. I'm talking so flat it's just sad. It looks like Lake Atlantic! Despite the serious lack of swell, Savannah girl and I paddle out. Since there's really NO waves to surf we just paddle around, float next to each other, talk and enjoy the relaxing feel of gently floating on a surfboard several hundred yards out from shore. Just when all seems to be going well.... yup, another thunderstorm appears on the horizon and forces us to take shelter in the truck. We cruise the beach for a while as the thunderstorm pelts us with wind and rain. The conversation is good and we laugh about this and that, but it's about time for her to head back north.

Second attempt at surfing date = partial FAIL

Before heading home Savannah girl and I get some ice cream and I give her a kiss goodbye. We decide that despite the slew of epic FAILS we should meet up again soon. I'm impressed as absolutely nothing went as planned, but through it all Savannah girl took it with a grain of salt and actually had fun. Yes, she had FUN. I had fun just spending time with her and the fact that she had fun too makes me happy. So we'll see what kind of epic FAILS the future may hold, but honestly I don't see how the next time could go any more astray.

*I met Savannah girl several months ago when she came down with a mutual friend of ours for a visit. At the time I had another female friend staying with me for a week and she thought I was "with" her and I thought Savannah girl was seeing someone else as well. The true is it turns out that we are both single so I told her that I thought she was a good thing and seeing how I've let a lot of "good things" pass me by in life I didn't want to let her pass by so I convinced her that we should go out on a date.


UPDATE - Just a few hours after posting the above blog I receive a random text message from Savannah girl that reads, "I want to start off by saying I had fun Thurs and fri. But I just don't feel a "spark". I would rather be upfront and honest. I am going to NC this weekend."
How the hell could she feel any spark when she slept for an entire day. Seriously? SERIOUSLY, what would she have done if I visited her on a first date and overdosed on two allergy drugs, a muscle relaxers and an anti-depressant (to "lose weight"). Yes, that's right I didn't mention the other drugs she took all at once right in front of me since I really did like her, was giving her the benefit of a doubt and for fear she might Internet stalk me and find my blog. How the hell was I supposed to act or create a spark when faced with that kind of adversity? For what it's worth, I think there was something there between us, but some outside factor happened when she went home to cause her to shy away rather abruptly. Oh well, her loss. Just a few mintues ago I was telling my crazy story to a long time running friend of mine and she's already trying to hook me up with one of her other running/biking/triathalon friends that ironically has the same real name as Savannah girl. Life goes on...